What's Your Love Language?

Scripture

1 John:4-12 

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us, and his love is perfected in us.   (NRSV)

Devotion

Did you know that people have different "love languages?"  Gary Chapman coined the term "love language" to give and receive care and affection  Chapman described basic love languages:

• Words of Affirmation
• Physical Touch
• Gift Giving
• Quality Time
• Acts of Service

All of these love languages are equally valid and important.  All of them can strengthen the bonds between people.  And all of us tend to favor one or two of them over the others.  For instance, do you prefer to do something helpful for someone or volunteer to do chores or ministry together?  If so, your love language is Acts of Service. If you are someone who enjoys giving hugs, then you gravitate to the love language of Physical Touch.  And on and one and on.

The Gospels shows Jesus using all 5 love languages to reach people in different ways.  Jesus knew what language each person "spoke" and was ready to respond accordingly.  The problem that we run into is that sometimes the way we express love for one another becomes lost in translation.  A person who wants to spends Quality Time with loved ones doesn't understand why a Gift Giver keeps brining them small presents when what they really want is to spend an evening in together.  The person who loves sharing Words of Affirmation doesn't understand is confused when someone seems uncomfortable with their compliments and changes the subject to an Act of Service they could do together.  We want to give and receive love.  We just have trouble understanding each other; and sometimes that difficulty leads to bruised feelings.

So what can keep our attempts to give and receive love from getting lost in translation?  Two Things: Mindfulness and Practice!  Mindfulness involves looking for cues about the types of love the people around us prefer to give and receive.  It also includes letting others know what our love language are.  Knowing the places we are each operating from can clear up a lot of potential misunderstandings.

Practice involves stepping outside of our comfort zones and trying to adapt to the love languages of those around us.  If someone prefers quality time while you prefer gift giving, why not offer to spend an afternoon with them.  Conversely, if compliments make you feel a little self-conscious but you know that is someone's love language, you can practice graciously accepting the expression of care they are giving.  The more we practice giving and receiving love in a variety of ways, the more we grow in God's love.

In the days surrounding my recent birthday, I received all kinds of love from people in a variety of languages.  Some sent notes, posted well wishes to social media, or called to say kind things.  Others made plans to spend time with me.  Still others sent a variety of gifts ranging from flowers they grew themselves to gift certificates to my favorite places.  One person quietly took a bit of work off my plate, while another promised me a hug the next time I see him.  One dear friend even decided to video chat me from a place where we used to volunteer together.  All of these expressions of love were beautiful.  All of them reminded me that people see, understand, and care about me.   And though not everyone was speaking my exact preferred love languages, I was thankful that they were talking to me in theirs.

This day, I encourage you to go out and let someone know you love them.  If you suspect that the two of you might gravitate to different love languages, why not try to speaking in theirs or letting them know yours?  And if someone does something that surprises you, take a moment to ask yourself: is this a sign that they love me...and if so, how?  

Beloved, we love because God first loved us.  The more adept we become at speaking and listening to each other's love languages, the more Christ's love is revealed within, and among, and around us.  So let us commit to speaking in a variety of languages as we abide in God's love together.  I pray that whatever love language you speak, your messages are heard loud and clear...and that you are able to joyfully receive the love that comes to you in return.

Prayer

Loving God,  thank you for the beautiful variety of ways that you have given us so express our care and affection for one another.  May your Holy Spirit move through us, teaching us to speak each other's languages as we abide in your love for us.  Amen.