Tips for Speaking Truth with Love

 

Scripture

Ephesians 4:1-7, 11-16

I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, ³ making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism, ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.

⁷ But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift.  ¹¹ The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, ¹³ until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ. ¹⁴ We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ¹⁶ from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.

  

Devotion

 Christian discipleship is a balancing acts of sorts.  As we go about the business of spread the Good News of Christ in our daily lives, faithful followers are supposed to seek justice for all, show mercy  and compassion, where it is needed, cleanse ourselves and our institutions of sinful thoughts and practices, etc. etc. etc.   Of all the many things Christians are encouraged to do, I personally find one of the trickiest ones to be Paul's reminder to speak the Truth in Love.

I can speak what I believe to be the truth.  I can speak in love.  But can I do both at once when my understanding of God's truth is going to be hard or painful for someone to hear?  What do I do when I know that it will ruffle some feathers... or that it contradicts what someone else believes to be true? 

Some version of this conundrum plagues most people I know.  Whether we are preachers or teachers, prophets or healers, we have moments when the thought of speaking God's truth as we know it fills us with anxiety.  Perhaps we worry about not having the right words to say or feel unsure in some of our points.  Perhaps we feel strongly that someone needs to hear a particular truth, but we don't want to upset them or get involved in a confrontation.  Or perhaps we feel primed to confront someone some in-your-face truths, but we have little to no desire to show them love while we do so.

If you have trouble balancing how to speak the Truth with how to speak with Love, here are a few tips that can help.

1. If you have time to do so, try to plan out what you want to say and why.  Perhaps it will hep to jot a few key points down or to "rehearse" with yourself a time or two.  Doing some prep work can calm our nerves, make us feel more confident and competent about what we feel led to say, and help ready us for any back-and-forth conversations that may result after we've shared our Truth.  It can also help us choose language that leads people to feel less blind-sided or attacked.

2. Take a few moments to breathe deeply and ask God to help you speak Truth in Love--and to help the other person listen to that truth so that both of you can grow in Christ.  Acknowledging that Christ remains present with us and can come to our aid in such moments makes more space for the Holy Spirit move as we speak.
   

3.  While you are speaking, try to use I/we language instead of you language.  Talking about what "you" have done or what "you" need to understand often comes across as an accusation that puts people on the defensive.  Talking about "my" perspective or how something impacts "me" invites people to consider things from a different point of view and encourages them to respond with openness instead of hostility.

4. Remind yourself that the person you are speaking to is not a monster.  They are a beloved Child of God who should be given a certain level of respect, compassion, and empathy...just as you want someone to give those things to you when you need to hear some hard truths.   

5. After you have spoken, don't just tune out the person's response as you plan your next set of words.  Truly listen to what they have to say.   Listening helps the Holy Spirit give us key insights on where someone is coming from.  Those insights help hard conversations stay productive and loving.  We may even our own position shifting a little as God brings unexpected truths to our minds.
   

6. Know when to walk away.   Sometimes a person needs time to think over what we've said.  Continuing to force the issue will only lead to increased anger and polarization .

7. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you discern if/when/how to re-engage with the person.  Sometimes we need to drop a conversation for good.  Other times, the Holy Spirit slowly moves us in the right direction through ongoing conversations with any number of people.   

8. Trust that while we not always feel like we've gotten anywhere, God will continue to move in people's lives.  The truths we share in love may have more of an impact than we realize.  We can have faith that the work God has us do will not be in vain.

I will admit that I am not always the best at speaking the truth in love when don't see the moment coming.  I have a tendency to get so worried about losing my temper or saying the wrong thing that I say nothing...only beat myself up for my silence after the fact.  But I am trying to do better.  I have faith that the more I practice speaking both truthfully and lovingly, the better the Holy Spirit will me us at having those hard conversations.  

This day, let us commit to speaking God's truth with courage. With  humility.  With love.  When we find ourselves having those conversations, let us give thanks for the ways the Holy Spirit empowers us for that work.  For while speaking truth in love can be unpleasant, it will continue to help us grow in Christ, who is our head,  Who knits us together into one body called the Church.  And who promotes our joint growth as we build each other up in love.

Prayer

Holy Spirit, help me to speak Truth in Love.  May the words of my mouth and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable to you, my Rock and my Redeemer.  Amen.