The Power of Apologies

Scripture

Matthew 5:22-24

 ²² But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. ²³ So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.   (NRSV)

Devotion

Some moments in ministry are harder than others.  A particularly difficult moment occurred a couple weeks ago as I tried to help someone seeking assistance with a particularly tricky situation.  The person was desperate and angry.  As I explained what we could and could not do and who else may be able to helped, they accused me of dishonesty, playing favorites, and giving them the runaround.  When they hung up, they were angrier than ever.

The person's accusations sting, .I tried to put the call out of my mind, but I still spent the rest of the day feeling a hurt, angry, and frustrated. How dare a stranger speak to me like that when I was just trying to help?  Even worse, a part of me wondered if the person was right.  Maybe I hadn't done everything I could...though I was still at a loss of what other options there were.  The more I mulled over the conversation, the more bitter I felt about the whole thing.    My heart was filled with the anger and resentment that Jesus warns us about in Matthew 5:22.  If left to fester, that resentment would have begun to affect other aspects of my life and ministry,  It definitely would have made me liable to God's judgement.

 Thanks to God's goodness, though, I never got to that point... partially because the person called back the next day and apologized.  They had done some checking and learned that I wasn't trying to mislead them; there had just been a miscommunication somewhere else along the line.  The person said they wanted to let me know how sorry they were for the way they had spoken and the accusations they had made.  What's more, they were thankful for our help in resolving their situation.   As the person spoke, the last of my anger and defensiveness fell away and God helped me forgive them.  We became reconciled with each other and agreed to keep each other in prayer.  

That second phone call didn't make me feel vindicated or triumphant.  It left me feel humbled.  The person on the other end of the line didn't know me.  They didn't have to let go of their pride to apologize...and a stranger's personal feelings probably aren't as important to them as the understanding and forgiveness they had already received from Christ.  Still, they risked facing anger or derision in order to make things right.  Their apology was a blessing that helped me let go of my own sinful impulses. And the reconciliation that occured as a result of their willingness to apologize blessed both of us.

This is what Jesus is getting at when he tells us to go and be reconciled with those who may have something to hold against us. Letting people know that we are sorry for something and want to do better does more than relive our our own sense of guilt.  It encourages the people we apologize to let go whatever hurt, anger, or resentment may be festering within them.  Those things hurt their relationships with God...with others...even the way they feel about themselves.  Our heartfelt apologies can't change the past, but they can help the people we've hurt move towards reconciliation with God, themselves, and others. I can imagine no greater gift that people can give each other than the opportunity for reconciliation.

One of the hardest parts of letting others know that we repent of the way we've hurt them is the fact that we should do so without expecting everything to simply go back to the way it was before.  We can not force people to accept our apology.  Even if they do, we cannot dictate what they do with it or when and how they move on.  All we can do is give them the gift of letting them know that we are sorry and that we want to make things right.  Then we trust on the Holy Spirit to bless our good intentions by  helping everyone move forward according to God's pace and plans.

If my position with the person who called the church had been reversed and I realized that I had given them something to hold against me, would I have call them back with a heartfelt apology?  I want to think the answer would be yes...but honestly, I don't know.  I may have felt too guilty, embarrassed, or worried about their reaction to pick up the phone.  Knowing that about myself means that I still have things to work on.   And that is why getting that phone call is so humbling.  The person I was holding onto resentment towards--the very person whose accusations stung so much--was exemplifying the type of behavior I aspire to.  Oh what a blessing to have the stranger who had wronged me transform into a Christian role model of reconciliation.  I hope that their witness inspires me to treat others the way I was treated during that second call.  And I look forward to the ways our promise to hold each other in prayer will bear fruit in both of our lives.

This day, let us take take a moment to reflect on who we may have wronged...who has something to hold against us in our hearts.  And if something or someone comes to mind, let us seek Christ's wisdom on how to best seek reconciliation with them.  Perhaps Jesus will encourage us to call them up and apologize for something...or to send them a card...  or do something special for them.  Or perhaps, Christ will let us know that we have already done what we could and encourage us to give them space and time.  Whatever we discern God's will to be, let us find the courage to follow it--not because we seek to soothe our own consciences, but because we care about that person.  Because we want them to experience healing and wholeness that comes with reconciliation.  And we know God wants that for them too. 

 I, for one, look forward to the day when every person under the sun is reconciled with  God and one another, just as Jesus intends.

 

Prayer 

Jesus, I know that I am not perfect. Grant  me the courage and humility to do my part in making amends with those I have hurt or offended.  Nay the power of your Holy Spirit heal the hearts and minds of those I have wounded, so that all your children may experience the power of your reconciling love.  Amen.