Do Unto Others...

Scripture

 Matthew 7:12

¹² “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.  (NRSV)

 Devotion

 "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  These instructions seem simple.  But are they?  Are they really?

I've learned the hard way that treating people exactly like I want to be treated can lead to trouble.  My family, closest friends, and I tend to show affection by picking on each other.  This practice has led to some unfortunate misunderstandings.  There was the time I hurt a future in-law's feelings by responding to a question as bluntly as I would to any other family member--but without pausing to as myself whether we knew each well enough for me to do that yet.  And of course, I managed to accidentally hit one of the person's trigger-points.  Then there was the day when a seminary classmate accidentally crossed a culturally specific line that filled me with rage.  The other party (now a dear friend) and I have long since recognized the humor in the situation and patched things up, but our classmates still enjoy finding ways to bring up what came to be known as the Doughnut Incident.

In a similar vein, I know someone who was horrified when she made a refugee child burst into tears.  The person had patted the child's cheek in a sign of affection and praise...forgetting that in the child's culture, touching someone's face is a way of shaming them. The hard work the person had put into making the child feel safe and accepted was set back...and a little girl who had just begun to come out her shell briefly went back to being more silent and withdrawn than she had been in months.

 Assuming that everyone wants exactly what we want and then acting accordingly can do a lot of harm.  We forget that people have different perspectives than we do... different hangups...different love languages that influence the ways they prefer to give and receive affection.  Some people love receiving unexpected visitors, while others feel like just dropping by imposes on folks' schedules and privacy.   Some  love to give gifts, while others worry about the fact that they are not in a position to give gifts in return. Some love to eat together, while others have dietary restrictions that make sharing a meal together feel like an ordeal.  And some communicate best via friendly text messages while others prefer to hear a human voice.  I'm sure you can add your own examples of how the way you may like to show and receive affection doesn't always line up with what someone else prefers.

So if we cannot just treat others exactly the way we want to be treated, what did Jesus mean in Matthew 7:12?  I believe that Jesus is referring not to the specific details of what we do but to the motivations beyond our actions.  We want to be valued for who we are.  We want to have our boundaries respected.  We want to people to connect with us in ways that feel authentic.  We want people to be there for us when we need help and to let us be there for them in return.  We want to love and be loved in return.

I think that if we let these kinds of general truths influence the way we approach others, then we can treat others the way we want to be treated while still allowing for the diversity of personalities, perspectives, and love languages that make humanity so beautiful.  We may make some unfortunate mistakes, along the way but we can learn to treat all kinds of different people in a way that both reflects God's love for them and shows them that we truly care.

So what have my missteps in treating others they way I want to be treated taught me?  Well, if we want to get into specific details, I've learned that some people like to get nice cards instead of mean ones.  I've learned to be more cautious in the way I speak to or around people who I don't know well or who may be more tenderhearted than they first appear.  More importantly, I'm, continually learning how to pay better attention to people's cues about the ways they prefer to give and receive love...and to acknowledge it when there has been some kind of miscommunication about they way different people want to be treated. These hard-earned lessons help me show them  I care about them while respecting both their and my boundaries.  I'm not perfect, but I like to believe that I am improving with practice.  And if I can get better at following the Golden Rule, then anyone can.

Today's music piece is "Do Unto Others" by the Christian metal band Stryper. Stryper's music isn't what most folks in my congregation would generally feel comfortable listening to on a Sunday morning.  But it is the music that reaches out to and welcomes in people who enjoy heavy metal (including myself on occasion).  By occasionally listening to music outside of our comfort zone, I hope we may begin to expand our notion of what it means to spread the Gospel to people with different likes...different interests...different understandings of what it means to treated with love and respect.  

Whether or not you listen to--or enjoy--the piece, let us all commit to getting to know the people we encounter a little better so that we may treat them not exactly as we would want them to treat us but with the respect, care, and love we all desire.  For when we do unto others in the spirit of what we would have them do unto us, then we all grow a little closer to God.

 

Prayer

 God, you created us all in your image.  Help us to love one another in ways that acknowledge our diversity, respect people's boundaries and preferences, and celebrate the uniting spirit that makes all people one in you.  May we truly do unto others as we would have them do unto us.  Amen.