Speaking Truth in Love

 

Scripture

 Ephesians 4:1-3, 14-16.

4 I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, ³ making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace...

  ¹⁴ We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ¹⁶ from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.  (NRSV)

Devotion

Today's post is the second in our three-part series on the Presbyterian Peacemaking Program's, "Seeking to be Faithful Together: Guidelines for Presbyterians in Times of Disagreement." Each of the three promises the Presbyterian Peacemaking Program urges people to make is tied to God's Word as found in scripture.  Last time, we looked at how to give someone a fair hearing and listen to their point of view before we answer.  Today, we will unpack Promise 2: "I will speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). 

One reason that it is hard to speak the truth in love is that there's a temptation to tweak things to make them better suit our positions.  Sometimes we think that if we jrefuse to acknowledge certain facts or twist certain details around a bit, it will be easier to convince people that we are right.  When we succumb to this temptation, we become the people Paul calls out for their "trickery [and] craftiness in deceitful scheming."  And it's not just others we deceive; we deceive ourselves.   Then, when we are challenged on our dishonest depiction of things, we get angry and defensive.  Our opinion may be valid, but the truth is not in us.

If we are to speak the truth, we must be ready to share our concerns directly with people in a way that acknowledges the complexity of an issue.  When we can concede certain points while still articulating how we've come to our position, we and the people we disagree with have abetter chance of truly connecting with one another.  We can also tell "our" truths by  sharing our personal experiences about the subject so that people can see where we are coming from and better understanding our concerns.  When we open ourselves up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we invite others to share their experiences as well.  And it is when we share the our personal versions of the truth that we can come closer to realizing a bigger Truth together.

The hardest part of the promise we are being asked to make may well be remembering to speak in love.  When we feel strongly about a subject or have been hurt by someone, it's easy to forget just how much our words can hurt people.  Sometimes, we even revel in the thought of "putting someone in their place" as we lash out with our truths.  When we attack people, we may feel like we've "won" the argument, but we rarely convince them to see the validity of our positions.  Worse, we fail to love others as Christ loves us.  If we consistently repeat that failure while telling the world that we are Christians, our bad behavior causes others to perceive Jesus's message of love as one of scorn and hate. 

Loving someone while sharing hard truths means being willing to focus our critiques on the issue at hand instead of on the person with whom we disagree.  It means respecting people enough that we  refuse to call them names, talk down to them, or question their intelligence, integrity, etc.  When someone hurts us and we want to return tit for tat, speaking the truth in love means being patient enough to bear with them and offer our opinions in a kind manner.  Sometimes it means being aware enough of our own tempers to acknowledge that we are not going to come to an agreement and wish someone well as we end the conversation.  These actions help us stay true to the Holy Spirit's guidance while acknowledging that the person we disagree with remains a beloved child of God.

My family and closest friends can tell you that I have a long way to go before I will be a success at speaking the truth in love.  There have been plenty of times when my logic was sound, but the things I said to people were cringe-worthy.  Even when I manage to hold my tongue, my mind is often full of nasty things I'd really like to say.  If Christ required perfection, I would be in trouble.  

Paul, though, didn't expect the Ephesians (or us) to be perfect. Our goal should be to try our best and build each other up as our faith continues to mature.   Each time we stop trying to win at all costs and instead focus on speaking the truth with love, we grow deeper into our relationship with Christ.  The more we practice, the easier it becomes.  Over time, our commitment to both sharing our truth in a Christ-like manner may help convince folks to come a little closer to our way of thinking.

 The next time you feel tempted to really tear into someone, pause for  second.  Then ask yourself if the comment you are about to make will speak the truth in love...will it have a different effect?  You may discover the still, small voice of Christ inside you wants you to change your tone...or try a new approach...or even go cool down for a while.  Whatever you feel the Holy Spirit telling you to do, I pray that we all listen to it so we can all grow in Christ together. In good times and in bad--in times of agreement and times of disagreement--we remain knit together as one body of Christ.  And as we build each other up in love, we will discover that there is plenty of work for us to do.

 

Prayer

Christ, you know the pain and anger of our world.  We have strayed far from your ways, and our hearts are too often filled with hate.  Help us to turn to you.  Give us the courage and compassion to teach your truth in love wherever it needs to be heard.  We trust that through the power of your grace, the Truth you call us to share can change the world.  Amen.