"Don't Just Do Something. Stand there!"

Scripture

Job 4:2-6 
 
4 Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered:

² “If one ventures a word with you, will you be offended?
    But who can keep from speaking?
³ See, you have instructed many;
    you have strengthened the weak hands.
⁴ Your words have supported those who were stumbling,
    and you have made firm the feeble knees.
⁵ But now it has come to you, and you are impatient;
    it touches you, and you are dismayed.
⁶ Is not your fear of God your confidence,
    and the integrity of your ways your hope?

Devotion

Today is the third installment in our look at the early portions of Job.  So far, Job has fallen tot he ground to praise God in his pain, and his 3 closest friends have shown up to be there for him.  So far, his friends have remained silent and just sat with him.  But when Job begins  to talk about how his grief is so great and so unjustified that he wishes he had never been born, his friends can't take it.  They feel like they need to give him advice.  Their intentions are good, but their actions end up leaving a lot to be desired.

Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar believe two things.  First, calamities like the ones fall on Job's family are punishments from God.  Second, God only punishes people according to the gravity of their sins.  They decide that even Job seems like a righteous person, he must be guilty of some secret, awful sins.  Because they care about him, they urge him to stop pretending like all this isn't justified, confess his sins to God, and change his ways. THat way, all these punishments will cease, and he can find peace.

Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zeophar think they are helping, but they end up hurting Job even more.  Their advice is unwanted, unneccessary, and just plain wrong.  He doesn't need his friends to fix his problems or to give him their take on why God is letting all this misfortune happen. He certainly doesn't need them saying that the death of his children is God punishing him for his sins.  The problem is that his friends are so uncomfortable and so eager to help "fix" the problem that they put their own desire to say or do something to help over their friend's needs.  The more they say to dispute or advise Job, they more they add to his suffering.

It's easy to fall intro the trap that ensnared Job's friends.  All to often, we rush to be with someone who is hurting only to get there and realize we have no idea what to say or do.  During the second day of my summer as as a hospital chaplain, my supervisor warned all of us new trainees that whenever we go to the emergency room or see someone in crisis, our first urge is going to be to rush around "doing things" like getting cups of water or showing people the bright side of the situation.  Doing those things would alleviate our own discomfort, but what people usually needed was for someone to "hold the space" by simply stand or sitting in silence with them and listening when they were ready to speak.  Our presence would do a lot more to help than frantic words or actions would.  As our supervisor put it, "Don't just do something.  Stand there!"

My supervisor's words were never more true than the night I was called to the emergency room for a high school student who had been shot when a she and a friend stopped at a red light, and a gunfight broke out next to them.  All I wanted to do was fix things: to get her family something to eat or help the patient's mother understand that this wasn't her friends' fault.  But the family didn't need someone to go do things for them; they needed someone to stay with them.  I sat with them off and on for over  5 hours.  I heard family stories and listened to the mother say why the girl was never going to be allowed to see her best friend again.  I held their hands when they burst into tears after hearing she was going to be okay.  I walked with them as the girl was wheeled into to her room for the night.  When I finally laid down at 4 AM, I felt like I hadn't done much.  But I could at least say that I had been there.

When I stopped by the patient's room the next day, the girl's mother swept me into a huge hug.  The girl was getting released soon, and her mother now saw the girls' best friend as a hero whose quick thinking had saved her life. The whole family thanked me for all I had done for them; but all I had really done was sit, listen, and pray in silence.  God and an excellent set of doctors had done all the rest.  That day, I learned that one of the hardest and most meaningful things we can do during times of trial is to be there in silence...to reflect God's presence in people's lives by offering them a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on.  Then, we trust God to do all the rest.

The next time we find ourselves rushing to someone's side only to realize that we don't know what to do, let's remember the story of Job.  We don't need to have all the right answers or come up with ways to fix things.  We don't even have to know why something happened.  Instead, we can do the hard work of truly being there for people.  We can listen.  We can sit in silence.  And when we commit to truly being  there for someone, God will help us give that person the strength and support they need.

Don't just do something.  Stand there.  And in doing so, reflect the presence of our ever-faithful God.

Prayer

Today's prayer is the "Agnus Dei" as set by Samuel Barber.  As it plays, be still and listen for the voice of God.  Who is here for you and lets you know that God cares?  Who is God calling you to bet there for in return?   

Translation:  "Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.  Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, grant us peace."